3.03.2012

Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (Movie Review)


Title: AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem
Director: "The Brothers Strause" (Colin and Greg)
Producer: 20th Century Fox
Starring: Reiko Aylesworth, Steven Pasquale and John Ortiz
Excellence: 1 star (out of 5)
Summary in a Sentence: Xenomorphs accidentally released upon the small town of Gunnison, CO + a lone Predator who comes to hunt them + some "new additions" to the Alien mythos = an unbelievably terrible film, a steaming pile of canine excrement

Lest readers of this blog think that I'm too easy on science fiction/fantasy films, or that I just give all of them positive ratings because I like the genre, here's a strongly negative review. Wow, I could NOT believe how horrible this movie was. I went in with very low expectations given the film's reputation and how bad the first "Aliens vs Predator" film was. The only reason I watched it at all was because of my affection for the Aliens and Predator franchises separately, and because I thought it would still be mildly entertaining going in with low expectations.

I was amazed at how wrong I was. Everything was plain pathetic. The special effects were decent for some things, but astonishingly bad on many -- the facehuggers were absolutely terrible and looked so fake I thought iTunes had sent me a fan film as a practical joke. In fact, the whole movie had the feel of a fan film to it, with the exceptionally inane dialogue, the poorly-conceived plot that involves LOTS of things that make NO SENSE happening, the cardboard characters (who are scarcely developed at all, probably because there's too many of them), to the bad lighting (it's so dark you can barely see anything) ... actually, I take that back. Fans would do better, and they'd certainly have at least SOME respect for the key features and continuity of the Aliens and Predator franchises.

I was especially outraged by the tampering they did with the xenomorph. The new kind of alien who can impregnate humans without the use of a facehugger was the stupidest idea ever and totally overturned what makes the xenomorph what it is. Especially moronic is the movie makers' total ignorance of human anatomy since this creature still lays eggs down peoples' throats but they somehow end up in womens' unterus (it can only "infect" women)??? I guess it's the logical conclusion of the stupid bad science Sophia's Favourite railed against recently and undermines my theory that the xenomorphs were a parasite and hosts weren't actually impregnated but infected (which I think Dark Horse comics backs me up on based on my reading of their stories in Aliens Omnibus Volume 1). Actual fans of the Aliens movies/comics would also know that there is a gestation period of longer than 2 seconds when the facehugger has deposited a xenomorph inside a host.

I was going to give it zero stars, but allowed for one star due to some half-decent action in the last 15-20 minutes of the film. And after my shock at how bad it was wore off, in retrospect it's not the worst movie I've ever seen. I enoyed it more than V for Vendetta, for example. I still suggest avoiding it, though.

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